Why are Women Bullying Women?

40% of workplace bullies are women, according to a survey published by the Workplace Bullying Institute. Moreover, these women bullies target other women more than 70% of the time.

In the name of Betty Friedan and Gloria Steinem, what is going on here?

Read more at The New Agenda.

Office Gossip: Debunking the Myths

Office gossip is a dangerous thing. It can cause people to lose their jobs and even result in a serious downgrade in a company's overall rep.

But what counts as gossip? Are certain types of "gossip-esque" communications OK depending on who's dishing them out? Are you a gossip and don't know it?

Find out more from the Examiner.

Boost Your Morale in Uncertain Times

In the workplace, more than ever people are in a state of fear over things beyond their control.

How can you be expected to maintain a positive attitude and stay calm in the current economic climate?

Here's some advice on how to have your own personal morale-boosting party in the quiet of your own mind.

Confrontation in the Workplace

No matter how great the environment, the benefits, the management at your workplace, it's hard to avoid the occasional clash with a co-worker. People are...well, human. There's friction between different personality types, moods flare and offense is taken.

But there are a few simple guidelines you can keep in mind that will contribute to a much more harmonious work environment. Check them out here.

Open Your Ears @ Work to Domestic Violence

Domestic violence will follow anyone into the workplace.

It could be affecting that seemingly happy-go-lucky secretary in the next boss. Or your strictly-business boss. Maybe even you.

It's important that you open your ears for these victims, or tell a trusted co-worker about your own situation.

Employers themselves have been hesitant to accommodate domestic violence issues. But Safe Horizon is working to change that. Read more.

Surprising Recession Trend: Secretaries Hiring Secretaries

An unexpected trend has emerged from the ashes of thousands of lay-offs: overburdened secretaries hiring their own secretaries, with their own money.

With the trimming down of so many office staffs, secretaries and administrative assistants are finding themselves saddled with extra work as the duties of the departed are now being heaped on them.

To keep from losing their minds, certain clever secretaries are pooling their financial resources and paying out-of-work secretaries to help with both personal and work-related tasks, thereby relieving the pressure. And these hired "virtual assistants" are able to bring in some much-needed cash in an otherwise bleak job market.

A secretary we'll call Angela and two of her co-workers asked to remain anonymous, because they're concerned that their employer would not approve of them sharing work with an outsider.

"There's the confidentiality issue," Angela says. "I'm pretty sure my firm doesn't want anyone on the outside seeing our internal work product. I don't give anything sensitive to our secretary. And she doesn't care what she's looking at, she just needs to get paid like we all do. Of course, we don't want to get fired over this. But (our assistant) is a friend of mine, and I know I can trust her."

Despite the risks, Angela sees the "secret secretary-to-the-secretaries" solution as being resourceful. She's taking action where her employer can't or won't.

"My firm has a dumb rule about having no part-timers. If we had just one part-time secretary in our office it would make a huge difference to a lot of secretaries. I know (the firm) is trying to cut costs, but if the three of us (secretaries who are sharing a virtual assistant) can get enough money together from our salaries to pay for help, the firm should be able to do the same. But they won't."

"It doesn't make sense that they're willing to pay us extra for overtime, when that same money could probably pay for a part-time person," she added.

"We're not going to suffer just on principle," one of Angela's co-workers said. "It's true the firm should be able to get us a little extra help. But if they won't do it, why shouldn't we take matters into our own hands? I'd rather pay to keep from going out of my mind and be able to see my kids at night instead of being here 'til all hours of the night. If I said, 'I'm not paying out my own money for help on principle, because the firm should do it', I'd still be miserable and overworked. So let's just take control, pay up and be happier."

Another of Angela's co-workers added that "It's not just about the firm's money issues. Sometimes I think the reason we can't get what we need has more to do with being blocked by one stupid person in middle management who's either too stupid to take action or too afraid. If it was up to the managing partner, maybe we'd get a part-time helper. But we'll never get to him because we have to go through this terrible manager who's just not that smart."

So what kind of work do these secretaries-to-the-secretaries get? In the case of Angela's virtual assistant, it's a mix of the professional and the personal.

"Whatever we can farm out," Angela said. "I scan hand-written stuff and document mark-ups and e-mail them to her for typing. I know (one of my co-workers) gets her to make travel arrangements. She took care of a major pain-in-the-ass problem for me with the cable company the other day."

Similarly, across town, an entire office full of secretaries is handing work off to one recently laid-off co-worker at home in Queens. They, too, are on the down-low because of confidentiality issues.

"We know (our hired secretary) isn't going to do anything with the (company)information," Donna told us. "It makes sense for her to be doing the work anyway. She used to work here. She's seen all this stuff before."

Further uptown, two other secretaries, Nora and Rayna, are helping out a recently laid-off co-worker by paying her to run personal errands.

"We're buried in the work left behind when Leslie was fired," Nora said. "We don't leave the office for lunch anymore, and we're constantly staying late."

Until recently, this overworked lifestyle left them feeling like their lives were being lived on a treadmill.

"By the time the weekend comes, all you have time for is the shit you didn't get to do during the week," Rayna complained. "Laundry, go to the supermarket, all that crap. And if you have to make a phone call and be on hold or something, forget it. I don't have time for that at work, and a lot of people don't have hours on the weekend. It's just ridiculous. It's a stressful way to live."

But then Nora and Rayna got wise and started paying their unemployed friend Leslie to take care of personal errands for them, freeing up their evenings and weekends for just plain enjoying life.

"Oh my god, it's made a world of difference," Nora sighed. "It's absolutely worth the money. We have no regrets."

For Leslie, it means much-needed cash-in-hand, and a powerful weapon against inertia.

"If I didn't have things to take care of, I'd be completely depressed, sitting on my couch and stuffing my face," Leslie said. "(Helping Nora and Rayna) gives me a reason to get up every day and I feel good knowing I'm helping my own friends."

Nora and Rayna don't have the same concerns regarding confidentiality, because they chose to keep their noses clean and keep the work they give Leslie personal in nature. Leslie stays busy making phone calls, processing health insurance claims, sorting mail, doing laundry, grocery shopping, and even doing light cleaning.

They are, however, paying Leslie in cash under-the-table, $10 an hour.

The same seems to be true for everyone doing the secret secretary thing -- cash on the sly. But the arrangements differ from one situation to the next.

Donna and her fellow company secretaries -- all twelve of them -- pay their unemployed former co-worker per task, and each secretary takes individual responsibility for paying for the task he or she assigned. Their assistant gets $15 an hour. For any task that falls under an hour, she still gets the full $15.

Angela and company made an entirely different arrangement. They pay their assistant Valerie a flat hourly rate to remain on-call during certain hours -- $5 -- just for the security of knowing she's available. However, when work arises for Valerie, she gets an additional $10 per hour, or $10 per task if the task takes less than a full hour. The secretaries split the $5 on-call fee equally, but individually pony up the extra cash for any tasks they've personally assigned to Valerie.

If you're interested in getting help on the side, and you want an arrangement that's as risk-free as possible, consider keeping your hired hand's duties in the realm of the personal, and ask him or her to sign an Independent Contractor Agreement. When your assistant is an independent contractor, they are responsible for reporting their income to the IRS, and you need not withhold taxes from their pay. However, treating someone as an independent contractor comes with some rules. Get familiar with them on the IRS web site. They're fairly simple rules to comply with, so don't let them discourage you from putting a fellow secretary back to work.

-- Margaret Haney

Office Gossip: Debunking the Myths

Office gossip is a dangerous thing. It can cause people to lose their jobs and even result in a serious downgrade in a company's overall rep.

But what counts as gossip? Are certain types of "gossip-esque" communications OK depending on who's dishing them out? Are you a gossip and don't know it?

Find out more from the Examiner.

Boost Your Morale in Uncertain Times

In the workplace, more than ever people are in a state of fear over things beyond their control.

How can you be expected to maintain a positive attitude and stay calm in the current economic climate?

Here's some advice on how to have your own personal morale-boosting party in the quiet of your own mind.

New Yorkers Suddenly Feeling Happier

Forget your troubles, c'mon get happy! There's a reason your friends and co-workers have a little more spring in their step today. Read about it in the Daily News.

How to Beat Office Stress

We let stress get to us. Keeping stress in check is a matter of health, which is why, every now and then, we remind you how. This time, Men's Fitness has the tips. And if you've read them before and are putting them into regular practice, feel free to tune out. Otherwise, pay attention -- this post is for you.

How to Turn Workplace Fear into Courage

If economic fear--of losing your job, retirement fund, and security--is starting to take a toll on your emotional health and workplace performance, there's good news. You can transform fear into its positive, antidote emotion--courage--much like you'd flip on a light switch. All it takes is a few tried-and-true techniques.

Check 'em out at the Minneapolis Workplace Examiner.

Revolutionize Your Office -- One Chat at a Time

From Minneapolis, we've discovered a great little list of advice on how to revolutionize your workplace one conversation at a time. Absolutely everyone should read this.

Bedtime Gets an Upgrade

A Just A Sec Exclusive!

At Just A Sec, we believe in making weeknight bedtimes as cozy and welcoming as possible.

Drifting off into a heavenly, quality sleep goes a long way towards having a happier workday the next day. When you sleep well, you feel better. Tasks seem closer to effortless. You're nicer to people, so they act nicer to you.

So why aren't you looking forward to your bedtime?

Angeline is a secretary in midtown who, for months, wasn't getting enough sleep, and the quality of sleep she was getting was poor. She volunteered to test our drug-free, three-step formula for giving the end of the day a well-deserved upgrade. Here's her feedback:

Step One: The Happy Company Sleep Mask



First, we advised Angeline to sink into her own private world with The Happy Company's Sleep Mask. Not only would it block out any annoying light from streetlights, a too-full moon, etc., but the soothing lavendar tucked inside the lining would calm her senses, aromatherapy-style.

"I've never worn a sleep mask in my life," said Angeline. "It's not something I ever thought I needed. I always imagined they'd be kind of uncomfortable, anyway. Like why would you want to sleep in one of those?" But Angeline's experience with The Happy Company's sleep mask changed her mind. "This is really nice. I'm hooked now," she admitted. "It's really soft, it smells wonderful, and it wasn't tight like I imagined a sleep mask would be. It fit really comfortably, and the sensation of having the mask on my face turned out to be really comforting. It was very light and soft. It was like someone gently encouraging my eyes to rest."

The Happy Company's sleep mask is made of 100% cotton flannel. features a "lights out" lining, and fluffy-as-a-cloud filling with lots of lavender. It has fouble elastic straps and comes in two color choices: lavendar or cream. Cost: $8.95. Find out how to get yours at www.thehappycompany.com.


Step Two: The Happy Company Body Wrap



Next, we prescribed the sleep mask's perfect companion: The Happy Company's soft flannel Body Wrap. It features a grain-filled insert which can be heated in the microwave for steady, long-lasting heat comfort. And like the sleep mask, it too contains lavendar for sweet, soothing aromatherapy.

When we asked Angeline about her experience with the Body Wrap, she rolled her eyes and sighed. "If I'd known about one of the these, I would've used one a long time ago."

"It seems like in the old days, people went to bed with hot water bottles a lot. But that never struck me as especially soothing," Angeline told us. "(The Happy Company Body Wrap) is another story. It really melted away my tension. I felt like a happy little infant drifting off in her crib! Most of the time I fall asleep with it flat under my shoulder blades, while I'm laying on my back. But occasionally I'll curl up on my side and just hug it to me." "Oh, and it's really nice when you have menstrual cramps," she added. "Is that TMI?"

The Happy Company Body Wrap has a machine washable cover, which comes in your color choice of lavender or cream. Cost: $16.53. Find out how to get yours at www.thehappycompany.com.


Step Three: Sound Oasis Sleep Therapy Pillow with Sound Therapy System




"This was the magic ingredient," Angeline said of the Sound Oasis Sleep Therapy Pillow and Sound Therapy System. "This changed my world."

"I used to stay up late every night watching TV shows I really didn't care that much about. And here's the stupid reason: I felt like by going to bed, I might be missing something. Not on TV, I mean just in general. Like life was passing me by if I went to sleep. Meanwhile, I'd be getting so freakin' tired. I told you, it was stupid. It was completely psychological and made no sense. Total anxiety."

Sound Oasis made its first difference for Angeline by making her look forward to going to bed. "Oh. Oh, you don't know. I value that time so much now. It's my time. Better than a trip to a spa, I'm not kidding."

The Sound Oasis Sleep Therapy Pillow is a standard-size pillow with two slender speakers buried inside. A plug extending from the side of the pillow attaches to the Sound Oasis Sound Therapy System, a small, sleek machine that produces sounds scientifically designed by doctors to relax and/or induce sleep.

When laying one's head on the Sleep Therapy Pillow, the sounds from the Sound Therapy System gently surround you in ambient music or sound effects. There's also a button to optionally launch Sound Oasis's patented Sleep Enhancement technology, which alters your chosen sound to specifically lull you into sleep, rather than just relaxing you.

Angeline reported that since using the Sound Oasis Sleep Therapy Pillow and Sound Therapy System, she's been getting more sleep, and sleeping much better through the night. She's "less grumpy in the morning" and more attentive during the day. She also told us her frequent headaches have disappeared.

The Sound Therapy System uses tiny sound cards, each loaded with 12 amazingly soothing sounds. The system comes with the "Sleep/Relaxation/Wellness" sound card. Others are available, including "Ear Therapy" and "Spa Retreat".

"I'm not sure I can pick a favorite (sound)," said Angeline. "There are a few I use all the time. I like the ocean, thunderstorm, and some of the musical ones."

Angeline described her experience with the product. "This is the most relaxing thing in the world. Every night I lay my head on that fabulous pillow, and I get completely lost in the sound. The speakers are positioned just right, so you really feel surrounded. I find it works best when I lay on my back. You get real stereo that way. But it's still great when I sleep on my side."

"I never feel the speakers," she added. "It's not uncomfortable at all. You would think you'd feel these hard speakers in there, but you don't."

"I find that the SE button really works to put me to sleep." (She means the "Sleep Enhancement" feature.) "On the weekend sometimes I just lay down for a while and chill out, but I don't press the SE button, and I find I'm able to relax, but not drop off into a nap when I don't really want one."

Angeline uses her Sound Therapy System with its timer feature. You can program the machine to play the sound of your choice for 30, 60, or 90 minutes before gently fading away to silence. This way, it doesn't run all night while you sleep.

The Sound Therapy System also works like an alarm clock, allowing you to wake to a buzzer or your favorite sound.

"It's not for couples," Angeline cautioned. "If you're sleeping next to someone, they can hear the sounds too. The speakers don't work like private earphones. So it's best if you sleep alone, or if your partner doesn't mind the sound therapy. Actually, they'd probably enjoy it."

Here are a few other things you should know:

-- Pillow speakers are removeable, and the pillow is washable.
-- Pillow speakers don't just work with the Sound Therapy System -- you can plug them into your MP3 player, CD player, or TV!
-- You can buy the pillow and Sound Therapy System separately
-- The Sound Therapy System comes with an AC adapter for plugging into the wall, but it will also run on batteries for portability
-- Pillow has hypoallergenic polyester fiberfill

The Sleep Therapy Pillow costs $49.99. The Sound Therapy System retails for $99.99. Buy directly from Sound Oasis at www.sound-oasis.com.

One Blogger Agrees: Ladies, Stop the Petty Abuse!

Earlier this week we pointed you to an article about women mistreating one another in an office setting. This writer responded and agreed. Ladies, it's up to us to support one another! It begins with you.

The Tricked-Out Desk: Winter Duo!

A Just A Sec Exclusive!

During the work week, you spend more waking hours at your desk than you do in the comfort of your own home. So why not make your desk as homey as possible?

Here are two new goodies that Just A Sec loves. They make our workspaces healthier, happier places to be. Check 'em out!:

Beat The Winter Blues:
The Sunlight 365 Mood-Enhancing Light Box



Most of us have heard of "SAD" -- Seasonal Affective Disorder. When winter sets in, some of us suffer from SAD symptoms like depression and fatigue. An increasingly common treatment for SAD is light therapy -- that is, exposure to bright lights that mimic natural sunlight.

Seasonal depression, ay? Like you needed another reason to feel like crap at work! But the good news is, you could feel a lot better every day, starting now -- with a Sunlight 365 by Zadro.

The Sunlight 365 is the perfect size for your desk -- it fits in the palm of your hand -- about the size of a pocket calculator. It has a built-in stand that props the Sunlight 365 up on your desk surface and bathes you in therapeutic light while you work. A simple-to-use control panel allows you to make adjustments to the intensity of light and how long you're exposed. You can choose to let the Sunlight 365 run for 15, 30 or 45 minutes at a time, and then the light shuts off automatically. In fact, the Sunlight 365 even lets you create and save three different "programs", or combinations of intensities and lengths of exposure. It plugs into an electric outlet. The Sunlight 365 also comes with a soft carrying case -- handy for taking it home for a happier weekend!

Save a fortune on anti-depressants -- get your Sunlight 365 for $59.95 today from Zadro.


Your Secret Weapon:
The Sunpentown Personal Humidifier



A humidifier can keep you healthy, beautiful and feeling your best. It adds moisture to the air and helps eliminate itchy, cracked skin, a dry nose and allergy and asthma problems. And did you know that many viruses that cause sickness can only live in a low humidity environment? That means they'll die out in an environment where the moisture level is raised by a humidifier.

All great reasons to use one -- but who wants to hook up a big, clunky humidifier on their desk? How many of us have that kind of room?

Sunpentown has a treat for you! Their Personal Humidifier is the cutest thing we've ever seen, and it's got substance behind its style. This tiny humidifier is about 4" long and 2.5" wide!! And get this: it works with an ordinary plastic water bottle. That's right -- there's no tank. Just keep a small bottled water bottle on-hand, fill it at the water cooler, and attach it to the Personal Humidifier. This smart little device comes with two different adapters to fit small and large water bottles.

We were impressed by how efficiently this baby works. It quietly emits a steady stream of cool mist, which is adjustable with a low-to-high dial. There's even a light-up indicator to let you know when it's time to refill the water. The Personal Humidifier plugs into an electric outlet. Choose from three colors: all-white, black-and-white, or pink-and-white.

Your overall well-being is priceless -- so invest in your Personal Humidifier for $59.00 today at Sunpentown.

When You're Trapped in a Job You Hate

This isn't the best time to be looking for a new job, admittedly, although anything can happen. Still, if you absolutely HATE where you are and are having trouble finding something better, here are some survival tips that may help you sit tight until the job market gets better.

Get Your Cheer On at Grand Central

Hey, don't look so glum. It's still the holiday season, y'know. There's still magic in the air.

Nourish your soul and take a side trip through Grand Central Station to see their holiday light show. If you've never enjoyed it before, here's a hint at what you'll see from the folks at the Poughkeepsie Journal.

At Work, Avoid the "Personal Implosion"

Work can make you feel so overwhelmed, so freaked out, that you feel like a building about to collapse in on itself.

Here's an article that reminds us of some common-sense ways to avoid getting to that miserable place.

Unwind After Work: Secretaries Get Help Relaxing

A Just A Sec Exclusive!

When you get home in the evening, it's important to leave the work day completely behind you. You'll be back in the office soon enough!

But maybe you're the type of person who gets so keyed up, there's hardly enough time in the evening to get unwound, before you have to wake up and do it all over again.

You need to invest in your personal relaxation! Here at Just A Sec, we asked our team of volunteer reviewers (all real New York secretaries, like you) to recommend three items that helped them chill out after work. (Sure, booze made the top of the list -- but that would've been too obvious.) Maybe you'll treat yourself to one or more of our secretaries' picks featured below. You deserve it!

Cuddle Up With The Slanket



"Oh my god, as soon as I put this thing on, I fall asleep right on the couch," Heather said. "It's the best thing ever!"

Heather is raving about the Slanket -- a big, cozy fleece blanket with sleeves. How many times have you put your feet up on the ottoman and draped a throw over your legs, only to feel left out in the cold (literally) from the waist up? You don't want to completely cover your arms -- you need them free to peel a clementine, surf the web, or hold the remote.

But the Slanket lets you curl up on the couch, get snuggly warm, and still keep your arms free. You slip your arms into the sleeves from the front and pull the Slanket up over your shoulders. It's stays loose but warm around your neck -- nothing tight or binding. The sleeves are big and loose, too. There are no fasteners, no buttons or snaps. The Slanket hangs comfortably loose over the rest of your body, yet it hangs securely enough on the body to let you get up, walk to the kitchen and back without the Slanket falling off.

And it's generously sized, too -- 60" x 95". So if you get annoyed by blankets and afghans that leave your feet out in the chill, you won't be disappointed by the Slanket. It covers you completely.

The Slanket is incredibly soft, made of 100% polyester microfibers. We put it through the washing machine and dryer twice and it held up beautifully, didn't shrink or develop ratty looking pills. It stayed like new.

The Slanket comes in a wide array of pretty colors and costs $44.95. It's nice for gift-giving too, and comes in a tidy plastic zipper pouch which can be used to store your Slanket. Buy yours at www.theslanket.com.


Soothing Neck Wrap by The Happy Company: The Spa in Your Living Room



It seems simple enough, and you may have seen similar products before -- but have you actually tried one? If not, get it right the first time and get a Soothing Neck Wrap from The Happy Company. They make the best wrap of its kind that we've ever tried.

What is it? Imagine a roughly C-shaped pillow covered in the most heavenly soft fabric you can imagine. It's worn around your neck, like a puffy collar. It's not as lightweight as a bed pillow might be; it's a bit firmer and weightier. And this is a good thing -- because when it rests on your neck and shoulders, it provides just enough pressure to soothe away built-up tensions, like a massage therapist applying gentle pressure.

And the Soothing Neck Wrap is deliciously WARM. The neck wrap pops into the microwave for ONE MINUTE. This is just enough time to warm up the flax seed/plush stuffing. This unique combination of internal ingredients holds and releases heat gently and gradually, melting away pain and tightness.

The Happy Company has also placed a removeable scent sachet inside its Soothing Neck Wrap, containing a subtle fragrant mix of chamomile, lavender and clove -- three scents known for their relaxing qualities. The microwave heat helps activate and release these scents. But if you'd prefer a scent-free experience, just zip open the wrap and remove the sachet.

The outer cover is machine washable and comes in three cozy colors. Best of all, this relaxation super-tool costs less than $20! Get your lovin' care at The Happy Company.


Happy's Head Trip: An Orgasm for Your Scalp



The Happy Company makes us happy again with it's handy Head Trip gadget. And ohhhh, what a gadget it is. The package it comes in says, "It's hard to believe something so simple can feel so good", and wow, nothing could be truer.

Although you can use the Head Trip on yourself, it feels better when you get someone else to use it on you -- so call in those favors from your kids or your partner. It's easy for them to use, and it's nearly impossible for them to get it wrong. Even your four-year-old can use the Head Trip on you in a way that will turn you into a puddle of melted butter.

It's the most unusual -- but most incredible -- head massager we've ever tried. It's got a wooden handle and a bunch of bendable copper "fingers" that you pull apart to form a vague helmet shape. Each finger has a small nob on the end. The Head Trip is lowered onto your head, cradling your cranium, its fingers tickling your scalp.

"I swear, this thing releases some kind of chemical in your body," Angela said after trying the Head Trip. "There's something about the way it touches your head that makes you shiver, in a good way, and then you just go limp. What are those brain chemicals they call the 'feel-good' chemicals? I don't remember, but I'm telling you, it releases those. Lots of them. And it makes you fall asleep."

The effect of the Head Trip is not easy to describe, but Angela did a pretty good job. We encourage you to just take a leap and try it. You won't be disappointed. And for well under $20, it costs just a little for so much pleasure. Happy's Head Trip folds up flat and comes with a handy storage pouch, too. Get one at The Happy Company and be amazed!

Reduce Stress During Tough Financial Times

MetLife offers up some tips for reducing personal stress during times of economic turbulence. It's a short read, and it's worth it. Check it out.