Why are Women Bullying Women?

40% of workplace bullies are women, according to a survey published by the Workplace Bullying Institute. Moreover, these women bullies target other women more than 70% of the time.

In the name of Betty Friedan and Gloria Steinem, what is going on here?

Read more at The New Agenda.

Office Gossip: Debunking the Myths

Office gossip is a dangerous thing. It can cause people to lose their jobs and even result in a serious downgrade in a company's overall rep.

But what counts as gossip? Are certain types of "gossip-esque" communications OK depending on who's dishing them out? Are you a gossip and don't know it?

Find out more from the Examiner.

Surprising Recession Trend: Secretaries Hiring Secretaries

An unexpected trend has emerged from the ashes of thousands of lay-offs: overburdened secretaries hiring their own secretaries, with their own money.

With the trimming down of so many office staffs, secretaries and administrative assistants are finding themselves saddled with extra work as the duties of the departed are now being heaped on them.

To keep from losing their minds, certain clever secretaries are pooling their financial resources and paying out-of-work secretaries to help with both personal and work-related tasks, thereby relieving the pressure. And these hired "virtual assistants" are able to bring in some much-needed cash in an otherwise bleak job market.

A secretary we'll call Angela and two of her co-workers asked to remain anonymous, because they're concerned that their employer would not approve of them sharing work with an outsider.

"There's the confidentiality issue," Angela says. "I'm pretty sure my firm doesn't want anyone on the outside seeing our internal work product. I don't give anything sensitive to our secretary. And she doesn't care what she's looking at, she just needs to get paid like we all do. Of course, we don't want to get fired over this. But (our assistant) is a friend of mine, and I know I can trust her."

Despite the risks, Angela sees the "secret secretary-to-the-secretaries" solution as being resourceful. She's taking action where her employer can't or won't.

"My firm has a dumb rule about having no part-timers. If we had just one part-time secretary in our office it would make a huge difference to a lot of secretaries. I know (the firm) is trying to cut costs, but if the three of us (secretaries who are sharing a virtual assistant) can get enough money together from our salaries to pay for help, the firm should be able to do the same. But they won't."

"It doesn't make sense that they're willing to pay us extra for overtime, when that same money could probably pay for a part-time person," she added.

"We're not going to suffer just on principle," one of Angela's co-workers said. "It's true the firm should be able to get us a little extra help. But if they won't do it, why shouldn't we take matters into our own hands? I'd rather pay to keep from going out of my mind and be able to see my kids at night instead of being here 'til all hours of the night. If I said, 'I'm not paying out my own money for help on principle, because the firm should do it', I'd still be miserable and overworked. So let's just take control, pay up and be happier."

Another of Angela's co-workers added that "It's not just about the firm's money issues. Sometimes I think the reason we can't get what we need has more to do with being blocked by one stupid person in middle management who's either too stupid to take action or too afraid. If it was up to the managing partner, maybe we'd get a part-time helper. But we'll never get to him because we have to go through this terrible manager who's just not that smart."

So what kind of work do these secretaries-to-the-secretaries get? In the case of Angela's virtual assistant, it's a mix of the professional and the personal.

"Whatever we can farm out," Angela said. "I scan hand-written stuff and document mark-ups and e-mail them to her for typing. I know (one of my co-workers) gets her to make travel arrangements. She took care of a major pain-in-the-ass problem for me with the cable company the other day."

Similarly, across town, an entire office full of secretaries is handing work off to one recently laid-off co-worker at home in Queens. They, too, are on the down-low because of confidentiality issues.

"We know (our hired secretary) isn't going to do anything with the (company)information," Donna told us. "It makes sense for her to be doing the work anyway. She used to work here. She's seen all this stuff before."

Further uptown, two other secretaries, Nora and Rayna, are helping out a recently laid-off co-worker by paying her to run personal errands.

"We're buried in the work left behind when Leslie was fired," Nora said. "We don't leave the office for lunch anymore, and we're constantly staying late."

Until recently, this overworked lifestyle left them feeling like their lives were being lived on a treadmill.

"By the time the weekend comes, all you have time for is the shit you didn't get to do during the week," Rayna complained. "Laundry, go to the supermarket, all that crap. And if you have to make a phone call and be on hold or something, forget it. I don't have time for that at work, and a lot of people don't have hours on the weekend. It's just ridiculous. It's a stressful way to live."

But then Nora and Rayna got wise and started paying their unemployed friend Leslie to take care of personal errands for them, freeing up their evenings and weekends for just plain enjoying life.

"Oh my god, it's made a world of difference," Nora sighed. "It's absolutely worth the money. We have no regrets."

For Leslie, it means much-needed cash-in-hand, and a powerful weapon against inertia.

"If I didn't have things to take care of, I'd be completely depressed, sitting on my couch and stuffing my face," Leslie said. "(Helping Nora and Rayna) gives me a reason to get up every day and I feel good knowing I'm helping my own friends."

Nora and Rayna don't have the same concerns regarding confidentiality, because they chose to keep their noses clean and keep the work they give Leslie personal in nature. Leslie stays busy making phone calls, processing health insurance claims, sorting mail, doing laundry, grocery shopping, and even doing light cleaning.

They are, however, paying Leslie in cash under-the-table, $10 an hour.

The same seems to be true for everyone doing the secret secretary thing -- cash on the sly. But the arrangements differ from one situation to the next.

Donna and her fellow company secretaries -- all twelve of them -- pay their unemployed former co-worker per task, and each secretary takes individual responsibility for paying for the task he or she assigned. Their assistant gets $15 an hour. For any task that falls under an hour, she still gets the full $15.

Angela and company made an entirely different arrangement. They pay their assistant Valerie a flat hourly rate to remain on-call during certain hours -- $5 -- just for the security of knowing she's available. However, when work arises for Valerie, she gets an additional $10 per hour, or $10 per task if the task takes less than a full hour. The secretaries split the $5 on-call fee equally, but individually pony up the extra cash for any tasks they've personally assigned to Valerie.

If you're interested in getting help on the side, and you want an arrangement that's as risk-free as possible, consider keeping your hired hand's duties in the realm of the personal, and ask him or her to sign an Independent Contractor Agreement. When your assistant is an independent contractor, they are responsible for reporting their income to the IRS, and you need not withhold taxes from their pay. However, treating someone as an independent contractor comes with some rules. Get familiar with them on the IRS web site. They're fairly simple rules to comply with, so don't let them discourage you from putting a fellow secretary back to work.

-- Margaret Haney

Confrontation in the Workplace

No matter how great the environment, the benefits, the management at your workplace, it's hard to avoid the occasional clash with a co-worker. People are...well, human. There's friction between different personality types, moods flare and offense is taken.

But there are a few simple guidelines you can keep in mind that will contribute to a much more harmonious work environment. Check them out here.

Open Your Ears @ Work to Domestic Violence

Domestic violence will follow anyone into the workplace.

It could be affecting that seemingly happy-go-lucky secretary in the next boss. Or your strictly-business boss. Maybe even you.

It's important that you open your ears for these victims, or tell a trusted co-worker about your own situation.

Employers themselves have been hesitant to accommodate domestic violence issues. But Safe Horizon is working to change that. Read more.

New Rules: Tea & Coffee in the Office

This blogger has set his own five rules about the making of hot beverages in the office.

Office Gossip: Debunking the Myths

Office gossip is a dangerous thing. It can cause people to lose their jobs and even result in a serious downgrade in a company's overall rep.

But what counts as gossip? Are certain types of "gossip-esque" communications OK depending on who's dishing them out? Are you a gossip and don't know it?

Find out more from the Examiner.

An Argument in Favor of the Office Popularity Game

Here's one article that says vying for office prom queen may not be such a bad thing. (In other words, getting people to like you may get you everywhere.)

One Blogger Agrees: Ladies, Stop the Petty Abuse!

Earlier this week we pointed you to an article about women mistreating one another in an office setting. This writer responded and agreed. Ladies, it's up to us to support one another! It begins with you.

Women: Their Own Worst Enemies at Work

If you're a woman with a female co-worker who's a bully, watch your back, sister.

A recent study by the Workplace Bullying Institute examining office behaviors — like verbal abuse, job sabotage, misuse of authority and destroying of relationships — found that female bullies aim at other women more than 70 percent of the time.

Bullies who are men, by contrast, tend to be equal-opportunity tormentors when it comes to the gender of their target.

Read more in the New York Times.

Lottery Pool Snags

Office workers won a $207 million Mega Millions jackpot, but are hitting a snag -- they're being sued by four employees who were out sick that day and say they "would have played" if they'd been there.

Hey, it could happen to you, too. Read more and you might change the way you handle office lottery pools in the future.

Helping Victims of Domestic Abuse at Work

Some companies are beginning to recognize that when battered spouses come to work, it may be their only safe haven from abuse. And some companies are asking themselves what more they can do to help.

Is your employer proactive in providing help to victims of domestic abuse? A few simple steps may make a world of difference to someone working right around the corner from you. You might even save a life. Read more from ABC News.

It's a "Secret Santa" Gift Extravaganza!

A Just A Sec Exclusive!



Looking for a Secret Santa gift? Or an idea for what to get your boss?

The secretaries who make up the Just A Sec volunteer army have stepped up to give their recommendations for this season's best gift ideas.

UNDER $10

Got a Desk? Got Your Gift!
Paper Trackers
$4.95 -- $8.95



"These are the kind of things you wish you had on your desk every day, and they would be so simple to make, and you wonder why nobody's made them yet. Well somebody has!"

So said our friend Gabriella, a secretary at a local university, after setting up her desk with Paper Trackers.

Paper Trackers are a series of elegantly simple organizing gadgets that get papers off the surface of your desk, but keep them handy where you need them.

Gabriella liked the Paper Trackers' versatility. "What's great about the Paper Trackers is, you can use them any way that works for you. It doesn't matter what your desk set-up is. You can attach them almost anywhere."

Paper Trackers are like slender, transparent pockets where you can stow flat items you need to see quickly -- notes, photos, business cards. They attach with adhesive strips, magnets, or adjustable clips, depending on where you need to keep your Paper Tracker. For example, you can keep notes on the top and sides of your computer monitor by using adhesive Paper Tracker 11" Bars; or clip phone numbers and business cards to your phone with a 5.5" Paper Tracker Bar with Double Swivel Clip.

"They're very easy to assemble," Gabriella told us. "It's just a matter of slipping the plastic sleeves into the bar, then either sticking on your magnets or adhesive pads, or attaching a clip."

We love the Paper Tracker products as a less bulky alternative to bulletin boards and pushpins, clunky standing files, etc. And at under $10, anyone can get their own. They're a can't-go-wrong gift for anybody with a desk -- your co-workers will dig them!

Take a minute today to order up a bunch at www.papertracker.net.


$20 AND UNDER

Cocktails, Anyone?
The Pocket Idiot's Guide to Martinis
by James O. Fraioli
$12.95



"I wanted to catch up with my friends," said Reena, a legal secretary in midtown. "Most of them know how to make mixed drinks, but I never knew."

Then she read The Pocket Idiot's Guide to Martinis.

"This book was great!" Reena raved. "I knew nothing. Less than nothing, and I was able to make martinis for myself and my friends this past weekend."

"It's a small book, written in simple language. You won't get overwhelmed. There's really just some basic information you need to know what you're doing, and this book gives it to you without a lot of extra stuff you don't care about it."

"I definitely liked the opening chapter that tells you what all those bar tools do, what they're called, what's the difference between 'neat' and 'on the rocks'. I never knew what a cocktail shaker was for before. It was those little things that made me feel like, oh, OK, I know this. I know as much as everybody else now!"

The Pocket Idiot's Guide to Martinis breaks up its recipes into six categories: Classic Martinis, Flavorful Fruit Martinis, Aromatic Herb and Vegetable Martinis, Exotic Martinis, Festive Holiday Martinis and Decadent Dessert Martinis.

"I chose two martinis from the book to master and then serve up to my friends: the Kamikaze Martini and the Marilyn Monroe Martini. They were easy to make, they turned out great, and now everybody thinks I'm the drink master!" Reena admitted, though -- she hid the book from her friends!

Don't hide it from your friends -- get them each a copy at your favorite bookseller, or from Amazon.


Cheerful Umbrellas: The No-Brainer Gift
Totes Jingle 'brella and Santa 'brella
$14.99



"As far as I'm concerned, if you need to get a gift for a co-worker, this is it," said Linda, a legal secretary in lower Manhattan. "Just buy one of these for every gal you work with and you'll be set. I mean, who doesn't need an umbrella? Even if you've got one, who needs just one? You're always losing an umbrella. And these are really, really cute. Nobody who gets one of these from you is going to say, 'Ew, I got such a boring gift!' These Jingle 'brellas are just too adorable."

Everyone at Just A Sec agreed -- this year, Totes has a winner with its Jingle 'brella and Santa 'brella. They come in a variety of happy-go-lucky prints like retro-dots, houndstooth and animal prints, and chic solids too.

Linda noted, "They're nice and compact too, but you get good coverage when you open them up." Too true. The 'brella folds up to 6" in length but opens to a 38" canopy arc.

"Plus, you don't even have to wrap these," said Linda. "I wouldn't. Look -- they come with either a little Santa hat on top or a bow and bells! How CUTE! I'd just put a gift tag on and give it." You can't beat a gift that doesn't need wrapping!

Quick! Order a Totes Jingle 'brella or Santa 'brella for everyone you know at www.totes-isotoner.com.


Rock that New Year's Resolution!
The Complete Idiot's Guide to Changing Old Habits for Good
By G. Alan Marlatt, Ph.D. and Deborah S. Romaine
$16.95



"I think this book is the perfect universal gift," says Charlotte, a downtown secretary in real estate. "When you think about it, you're supporting everyone's New Year's resolution, no matter what it is. Everyone wants to start the new year with a change. This book makes a big impact for a little money, in my opinion."

The Complete Idiot's Guide to Changing Old Habits for Good was co-written by the director of the Addictive Behaviors Research Center at the University of Washington, so he should know what he's talking about when it comes to successfully breaking free from those monkeys on our backs. But, as with all books in the Complete Idiot's series, the advice is presented in a clearly-organized, easy-to-understand way.

"I'm completely engrossed in it," Charlotte said of Changing Old Habits. "Honestly, I'm not someone who reads a lot of self-help books, but this one is so easy to read. And it's making a lot of sense." She added, "I'm looking ahead and it looks like the authors have really covered the subject from beginning to end. I see chapters here that address your state of mind even after you've changed your habit. How to keep your good habits going long-term. I know that's what I'm going to need, so I feel better knowing those chapters are ahead."

You can purchase The Complete Idiot's Guide to Changing Old Habits for Good from your favorite bookseller, or at Amazon.com.


Goodbye, Hat-Hair and Sweaty Necks!
Trailheads Goodbye Girl Ponytail Headband
$20.00



"Oh my god, I hate wearing hats in winter. I will, like, not put a hat on my head, no matter how cold it is. First of all, I cannot have anything pressing down the top of my hair. My top-hair just doesn't fluff back up like my side hair does. And secondly, I get so sweaty under my hair, right at the back of my neck if I wear a little knit hat. It doesn't matter if it's minus twenty outside. My neck sweats, and it's gross."

That's what one Tribeca secretary told us.

"I tried wearing earmuffs, the kind that wrap around the back of your head. But for some reason, they really hurt my ears, like they pressed on them or something and gave me a headache."

Then Lisa tried the Goodbye Girl Ponytail Headband by Trailheads.

"OK, I think I found my answer! I love this thing. It kept my ears nice and toasty warm, but I didn't sweat on my neck! And I didn't have to smush down the top of my hair, either!"

The cozy fleece Goodbye Girl Ponytail Headband wraps around your head, covering your ears. But a clever opening in the back allows you to push your hair through, pony-tail style, getting it off your neck. No more sweaty hair sticking to the nape of your neck while the rest of your head gets frostbite!

The Trailheads Goodbye Girl is also moisture-repellant, so it dries quickly after a walk from the subway in sleet or snow. Headbands are black with cheerful contrasting colored piping, your choice of pink, blue, green or red.

Get yours at Trailheads.


UNDER $40

Decisions, Decisions
The Decision Kit by Knock Knock
$21.00



Who doesn't have to make decisions? We face them every day. Admittedly, some are bigger than others -- so why not do a friend a favor and give them The Decision Kit this Christmas?

Sandra and Kellie are friends who work together at a corporation in midtown. They played with The Decision Kit and gave it a big two-thumbs-up.

"I want to get this for Christmas!" Kellie laughed. "This was a lot of fun," Sandra agreed. "We went into it just looking at it like a game, but then it got kind of heavy. In a good way!" "Yeah, here we are having a laugh and then it's two hours later and we've had twenty epiphanies each and felt like we'd been to therapy," said Kellie.

The Decision Kit definitely has a sense of humor (it even includes an "I Decided Today!" jacket pin), but the tools inside the pretty Decision Kit box can actually help you work through a dilemma. There are three notepads that urge you to examine the pros & cons of a situation, identify your gut feelings, and list your next steps. To inspire you, there's a tiny booklet of quotations about decision making. And after all this, if you still can't decide, they've given you a coin to flip!

We loved The Decision Kit, and everything else we found at Knock Knock. You'll find a treasure trove of witty co-worker and boss gifts on their web site. Hurry! Go now!


Book Worship
The Peeramid Bookrest
$32.95



Nicole, an executive assistant, reads in bed every night. But after years of doing it, she's still not thrilled with having to hold the book up to her face. Here's what she told us:

"I know, it seems like a stupid thing to complain about, doesn't it? But if you read a lot, especially in bed, after a while you get tired holding up your arms. You want to keep reading but your arms get sore. Sometimes I wish someone would just hold the book in front of my face for me."

After she tried to Peearmid Bookrest, she was overjoyed.

"This is the best thing I could've hoped for. It totally takes the pressure off my arms, and it holds the book at the perfect height and angle."

The Peeramid is, well, a pyramid -- stuffed and sewn with a "ledge" for placing your book. It sits on your lap, giving you a place to rest your book as you read.

"They stuffed it the perfect amount," Nicole noted. "If they'd made it softer, it wouldn't support a book. It's just firm enough, but still nice and lightweight on my lap. And I love that they included a bookmarker!" That's right, a pretty cord attached to the peak of the Peeramid drapes down and serves to hold your place. You can leave your favorite paperback right on the Peeramid when you've finished reading for the night, and pick it up again the next night. Sit it on your nightstand or on the floor beside your bed. It's attractive and comes in a wide variety of lovely fabrics for any guy or gal reader you know.

For that reader in your life, order up a Peermid at Hog Wild Toys today.


Foodies, Vegetarians and Wannabes
The Vegetable Box by Keda Black
$34.99



"I can think of three types of people who would love this gift," said Tracy, a downtown insurance company employee. "Foodies, vegetarians, and people who want to get more veggies in their diets."

The Vegetable Box is a whimsical alternative to the commonplace cookbook. Recipes are printed inside one of 14 mini-cookbooks which come nestled inside a wooden crate -- a great gift presentation! Each booklet covers two different vegetables, and they're divided into sections inside the crate.

"I really liked how the dividers list all the recipes that are inside the book in that section," Nicole told us. "It made it easy to see what I wanted to make, instead of having to flip through each book one at a time. I could choose a couple of things that sounded interesting, check out the recipes, and narrow down what I wanted to try from there."

And how were the recipes, Nicole?

"I'm sort of a mid-range cook, a little adventurous but not a total gourmet, and I thought there was something here for everybody. The recipes are not all so far-out that nobody but a professional chef could have success with them, but there are enough interesting ingredients to satisfy people like me who really like to explore the local gourmet shop and try something new."

Everybody knows somebody who'd love The Vegetable Box -- and will love you for giving it to them. Get yours at your favorite bookseller or visit Amazon.

Confronting a Workplace Saboteur

"I work with someone who agrees with action items in meetings, but she consistently sabotages them later. What can I do?"

Sound familiar? Is someone you work with, and maybe depend on, constantly backpedaling? Is she consistently going above or around you?

Get some good advice here.

Tips for Cheap, Diplomatic Gift-Giving in the Office

A little goes a long way. We know a secretary who routinely gives a little something to everyone in the office who helps her throughout the year -- the maintenance guys, the crew in the copy center, the IT dudes who fix her computer every time it freezes. And they remember it. When she asks for something, they respond in a flash.

You can do the same, even when money's tight. Here are some tips for spreading cheer without emptying your bank account.

Avoid Drunken Disasters at Holiday Parties

When people drink at holiday parties, sometimes it can lead to disastrous actions everyone will regret later. (Use your imagination.)

Here's an article that will help you head off trouble before it becomes tragedy.

Do You Sit Next to a Drama Queen?

"I work closely with a young woman who is a complete drama queen. Every day, without fail, she has to tell me about some new issue in her life. She is constantly on the phone with her children or extended family. This is driving me crazy."

Sound familiar? Find out what advice this harried worker was given in the Sun-Sentinel; it might be useful to you, too.

Men in the Office Act Like Cavemen for a Reason

The way they posture themselves. The way they "guard their turf". Even the way they ostracize anybody who doesn't agree with them. These often petty male behaviors, as observed up-close in the wilds of the American workplace, have been hard-wired into guys' heads by their caveman ancestors. Or so says an Australian researcher named Jeffrey Braithwaite.

Now you can call your boss a prehistoric moron and be talkin' straight science. Read more.

Don't Let Co-Worker's Anger Escalate

So that hothead in the next cubicle says something unpleasant or off-color? Don't let it escalate into a full-blown office brawl. Here are some tips to help YOU keep YOUR cool.

Beware of Backstabbing Co-Workers

In a recent online poll asking, "Are you aware of a coworker trying to make you look bad or sabotage your work in the last year?" nearly three-quarters said "yes."

That sabotage comes in many forms, from belittling, rumor-mongering and finger-pointing, to slackers and those who take credit for YOUR work.

Learn how to respond to backstabbing and guard against it at Yahoo.